Real World: Cincinnati

So, my life feels like one big episode of the real world. The only difference is these cameras can hear what I am saying in my head. I dont know what to do sometime because I feel like I am headed for a mental collapse. Its not like there is even a lot of weight on my shoulders or anything, its just that mentally I feel drained, economicly, I am empty, and religously I feel like a failure. I realize that there really is no way to become perfect in these three catagories, and I also know that you cant just take a vacation from these responsibilities, but I feel as though, if I dont get some kind of breather from all of this bombardment, I am going to fall over dead. I am not psycho-scuicidal or anything at all, but I feel like I would rather be dead than to deal with all this shit lately. The pain on my mind is excrutiating, if anyone wants to know what has been going on specificly, just message me, and I can talk to you about it, but for now, all I can say is that its more than I can bear. I have just wanted to get in my car for the past couple of days and just drive as far away as I possibly could. And then I look at my gas guage, and realize that I probably wouldnt even make it to the highway. And as all this is happening, I keep screaming out to God in the dark, wondering why he has left my side. I know he is there, but with no light to aid me in seeing him, I am just stumbling around. I feel like I am trying to tread water, and the more stuff that happens, the more weight that is tossed on my shoulders. And I am slipping deeper and deeper under water, drowning.