How long do I wait?

Lately I have been put in some interesting positions with my faith, and I really feel like it is being tested, because I have been led to trust that God is going to allow me to make it through the situations of financial need, and I have been almost too glad to do so, and lately I have been feeling some of those situations crumbling around me. I honestly need a lot of money, and I dont know how I am going to get it. I sat in my old room, in the house I grew up in, today and just cried. Wept and sobbed because I have no idea how I am going to make things come together money wise these next couple of weeks. I honestly am falling apart because I need so much money and there is no way for me to make enough at starbucks right now to even put a dent in cataclysmic amount that I need. I fell to pieces after trying to piece things together the best that I knew how, and still coming up short. I am really frustrated because I know that if I can just make it over this hump, I will be able to at least handel the bills that I have, it is just this time right now that is ravaging my heart and mind so badly. What really burns my cookies to is the fact that I got myself into a situation depending on what God would provide, and what he would guide me to, and now I really feel like I wasnt putting forth enough effort to be independant of his help. It all just doesnt make any sense to me. I believe that God will provide for me, and I try to follow that belief, and I still manage to screw things up with my bad habits. So be praying for me guys, I know I can make it, I just dont know how.

Trust in He who gave birth to the heavens

Trust can be a wonderful yet terrifyingly difficult task to complete. Some people have trouble trusting because they have been wronged one too many times, or because someone they love let them down when it mattered the most to them, or maybe their parents weren't what they needed to be for them to be able to take comfort in someone who is caring for them.
Well for me, all of these issues and more have played into my inability to trust anyone. When somone makes a promise to me, I find it hard to believe that they can keep it no matter how much they mean to me. It seems like invariably everyone is going to let you down at one point or another. Thats why I find it increasingly difficult to put my faith and trust in God. Although I know that he will never fail me or in any way let me down, I also know what everyone has done in my past.
The reason I mention any of this is to go on to say that I feel as though I have found a new comfort in trusting God. Though it isnt any easier for me by any stretch of the imagination, I know that he is a perfect heavenly father, and he will never fail to keep a promise that he has made. I can feel comforted by the fact that God loves me, and he wants me to be a perfect creation. I know I'm not perfect, however, He won't stop loving me because of my imperfections.
Thats something I have always feared, that God would choose not to love me because of my sexuality, or because of my guilt, or because of any of my other compusive sinning behaviors. I just found a wonderful apartment, and I am going to be living in the community, and pressing deeper and deeper into Christ, I cant get enough of him, and I know that living down here, I will get the chance to fall even harder in love with him.
For me, this takes a great deal of trust, because I have really never been out on my own in this way before, and yet I know that I am not really alone either, because I have the entire community to depend on, and I can take comfort in the fact that they will not let me down either, so durring those times when I am having trouble hearing God, I know that I can turn to them, and take comfort in the encouragement they bring.

A New Prospective

I have rescently had a pretty funny feeling about my life, and its almost erie that its not a feeling of pain, or anguish, or disgust, its a feeling of pride and joy in the love of my savior. Lately I have wanted to tell everyone I come across the amazing love that God has for all of us. I had a chance to sit down with a couple of my friends from here at Grubby Kupp and just converse about my general state of faith. I am extatic about the blessings that God has laid upon my life. I feel amazingly blessed that he has shown his love for me over and over, in situation after situation. Meaning the great job at Starbucks that I can go to and share the gospel of his son, and the amazing friends that he has given to me whom I can talk to about anything without fear of being rejected for my shortcommings, and I also feel blessed for all the mistakes that I make, because through those mistakes and sins, I am able to find humbleness in his eyes, and I am able to seek forgiveness from them, and I am also able to become healed from them. So all in all lately I have been feeling pretty blessed by the lord, and I believe that he will continue to rain those blessings upon me in multitudes.